i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Fuck appropriateness.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
