I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
