I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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