my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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