I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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