I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
