When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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