i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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