he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
