I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
