i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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