I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
