we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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