I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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