dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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