He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
