I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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