pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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