I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
