You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
