stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
