maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
