I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
