she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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