Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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