she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
