The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
