Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
