I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
