i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
