Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up under a house in Key West
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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