If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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