I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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