i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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