Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
