i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
