I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
