This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's blow job season.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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