Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
