Don't make out with my wife yet
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
