i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
