we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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