She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
