you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
