Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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