thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
