My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
