I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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