yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
