i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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