Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
