I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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