I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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