You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
