the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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