Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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