Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
