Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
