are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
