things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
