the day after is always just damage control
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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