woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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